lights
go dark whooshwhooshwhoosh
scooting my way across the smooth ground…. it Is pitch black
there's a cough
a baby crying
the faint rustling of people
I stop walking. Is this my spot?
I can’t see, my heart is pounding, fingers trembling.
I look around… it is pitch black. I think I see Shelby, or is that Krista?
I can’t see.
Whooshwhooshwhoosh, a slight breeze blows my hair. I freeze, staring into darkness,
another cough
It’s time. Breathe in
Breathe out.
Chin up, smile on.
CLICK I’m blinded.
Spotlights light up the dark room. I look out, I still can’t see even with the lights.
Everything is black, but the light is so bright.
The heat from the lights is hot,
There’s the music,
1234567812345678 12345678 12345678 12345678 1 and 2 and 3,
4567 and8. my mind is racing with counts. Moving fast,
Spinningandspinning turning, flying.
Smiling , just keep smiling, smiling into the darkness ahead of me.
Music is blaring, 12345678. I see Shelby and Krista. Moving fast,
Spinningandspinning turning, flying.
I love this.
We are all moving in unison. 12345678 12345678 now my heart is pounding from moving so fast, not from nerves. I am in the spotlight now, I see Miss Gina sitting in the darkness. She’s in the front, smiling up at me. Hands bent, moving in unison with mine, but smaller movements.
scooting my way across the smooth ground…. it Is pitch black
there's a cough
a baby crying
the faint rustling of people
I stop walking. Is this my spot?
I can’t see, my heart is pounding, fingers trembling.
I look around… it is pitch black. I think I see Shelby, or is that Krista?
I can’t see.
Whooshwhooshwhoosh, a slight breeze blows my hair. I freeze, staring into darkness,
another cough
It’s time. Breathe in
Breathe out.
Chin up, smile on.
CLICK I’m blinded.
Spotlights light up the dark room. I look out, I still can’t see even with the lights.
Everything is black, but the light is so bright.
The heat from the lights is hot,
There’s the music,
1234567812345678 12345678 12345678 12345678 1 and 2 and 3,
4567 and8. my mind is racing with counts. Moving fast,
Spinningandspinning turning, flying.
Smiling , just keep smiling, smiling into the darkness ahead of me.
Music is blaring, 12345678. I see Shelby and Krista. Moving fast,
Spinningandspinning turning, flying.
I love this.
We are all moving in unison. 12345678 12345678 now my heart is pounding from moving so fast, not from nerves. I am in the spotlight now, I see Miss Gina sitting in the darkness. She’s in the front, smiling up at me. Hands bent, moving in unison with mine, but smaller movements.
I can start to make out faces in the darkness, but they go
as quickly as they come into view. I do not see anyone I know. 12345678 1 and 2
3, 4, 5, ,678
Suddenly I stop moving, breathing hard, still smiling…
I am frozen, don’t move. The room explodes with noise… cheers and claps coming from the darkness out in front of me.
Suddenly I stop moving, breathing hard, still smiling…
I am frozen, don’t move. The room explodes with noise… cheers and claps coming from the darkness out in front of me.
CLICK I am engulfed in complete darkness again, the
spotlights are gone. Still frozen.
Whooshwhooshwhoosh, the same slight cool breeze rushes past
my face,
I unfreeze, walk back off feeling happy.
I am a dancer of 15 years, and this camera eye is me in the
moment of a performance. The “Wooshing” Is the curtain closing and opening, I
am always nervous when first going on the stage. Everything is dark because the
lights are off. When the curtain opens and the lights come on the stage is full
of light but the audience is still dark. The “12345678” Are the counts I am
repeating over and over in my head for the dance. Flying is how I feel doing
jumps and leaps. Shelby and Krista are people who dance with me, and Miss. Gina
is our dance teacher who sits in the very front and while sitting in the chair
can’t help but dance along with us as best she can sitting down. While dancing
my nerves relax and I have the time of my life on stage doing what I love, then
the dance ends, the crowd applauds, the lights go out and the curtain closes. I
go back off stage. I love dancing and performing!! J
I may not have the biggest passion for dancing like you, but I can attest to being "in the moment", and you capture that perfectly. I love the onomatopoeia's that you use throughout the camera eye. You really bring the reader into the moment and allow an outsider who's completely foreign to the topic to feel the moment and feel like they share the same emotion and passion, even though they might not have any clue about the legitimate action itself. Great work, Alaina!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed this one. Having been part of a marching band for six years in grade school, I was able to draw direct parallels to the synchronization, the music, the crowd, and the rush of adrenaline. It made me remember the excitement of performing, and it made me realize how much I miss it now. Awesome job.
ReplyDeleteI've always been a fan of dancers, and I use to really want to be a dancer so much that I took ballet for a while but realized I don't have what it takes, the motivation for it. I really like your camera eye because you allow the readers to be able to place themselves in your shoes. Feel the same excitement that you felt at that moment. The "woosh" is a very brilliant thing to add in there because not only are the readers able to feel your excitement and passion but also able to imagine the scenery, the sounds, the little details that make a story like this really memorable. Great job Alaina!
ReplyDeleteAlaina,
ReplyDeleteI like how you've tried to capture a sense of rhythm in your camera eye. The line breaks and the use of numbers helps us to read your camera eye in a way that mimics some parts of keeping time and rhythm for dancing. Your use of the curtain opening and closing and the snippets of vision while performing will be familiar to anyone who has performed on a stage before. Your section about breathing in and out, smiling, and raising your chin signal a moment of preparation for pause for us before the shift into dancing. Good work!